i'm a happy girl. happy happy girl.
lalalala.
i'm rather high now.
okay, don't mind me.

i love everyone around me!
alot alot.
but some people, i'm still trying to love la(:

PRIDE.
something in me that tend to mess certain things up.
i don't want this.
i want to change!

people around me had been giving in to me.
i always want things to go my way.
yet they choose to compromise with me.
and another thing, i don't take initiatives.
in fact, i DON'T LIKE.
i'm really pampered. be it at home or outside with my friends.

someone said i'm such a spoilt brat.
but hey hey hey. am i really that spoilt rotten?
those words were rather piercing.
but it shook my senses awake.
thank you ELISE CHUA!
sometimes, i really wonder why is she always THE ONE. tsk tsk.
alright, i'm gonna be transformed from now onwards!(:
i'm not gonna be so negligent to people around me anymore.

i feel more comforted when i'm sad.
being sad keeps me in my comfort zone.
being sad makes me.. happy?
it keeps me safe. like if i'm already sad, there would be a barrier around me.
so no one can further hurt me.

i know that makes little sense.. but that's just how much i can manage to explain.
perhaps it's because of this barrier that i haven't been able to feel joy.
even when joy comes knocking at me door.. i'm shunning it.
all these had been my rotten mindset after all those pains.

that was why i chose to isolate myself for the past few days. even to the extend of not seeking God. i know it wasn't right to do this. but i was just caught up in such distraught that my mind wasn't in its usual state.


but i'm glad i made it through that period.
EMERGED.
i'm having such a burning desire for Him now.