awaiting miracles.


Within my subconscious mind, the devil keeps instilling provoking thoughts of bitterness, of resentment.
And me- with my weak spirit self, can't help but to succumb uncontrollably.
I keep praying, I keep praying.
To release myself. But I feel so weak, so helpless.
I don't really know how to help myself anymore.


I know I still love them, I know.
Deep, very deep inside me, there is still a substantial measure of love.
On the contrary, on the surface however, I appear very much nonchalant and indifferent.
My attitude is a major disaster.
I should stop being such a spoilt brat... Mommy Daddy and Deedee may be able to tolerate, but not others.

Aargh.
Today, I asked Ezra "Darling, do they hate me?"
That question was in fact a rhetorical question. Somewhere inside me, I know they don't.
But another part of me think they do.
This is complicated, I hate these warfares.



I'm digressing to happier topics!
Life had been throwing me much more lurve and joy other than that above!

My relationship with Ezra is very much growing healthily, we're opening up more and more and more.
He is very in love with me. Teehee.
He is still giving me as much as ever and he is still as cheeky, hearty and warmy as ever!
My birthday is all nicely and excitingly planned because E started early and got it ready 2 months beforehand.
Call this love!

This morning was a studying session with the classmates.
I love them. Teehee.
Shirleen is my 3rd boyfriend, chocolate chip is 2nd.

Updates end here for today!
I'm off for supper!